Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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