i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
