if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
