Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
