According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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