Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
