you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Randomize
