Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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