so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
