she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
