Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
