The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
