hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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