I think im going to throw up on grandma
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
