Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
