Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
