I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
