toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just pynch a tree in the face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
