You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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