Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please don't give away my fajitas
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
