id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
