The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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