My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
