I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize