he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
