i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
