well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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