you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She's the barista slut.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
