People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize