I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry about my life...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
