I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
