I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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