Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
