It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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