She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
