4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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