Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
