Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
