i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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