I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
