Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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