It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
