Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
