Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
