Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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