watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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