Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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