I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
