He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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