I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
