Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
