She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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