NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
