Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
