My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
