and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
