Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
