I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
