What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
