so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
