Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
