Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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