Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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