The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
