I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
