Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
